A Haiku

Here are things I like:
Spending time with good friends and
making memories

U know that feeling when the only thing that will actually make you feel better is friends but you really just want to be alone

Day 9

I finally finished that damned, damned homework.

My soul feels many pounds lighter since finishing. Now, I just have one more math problem due tomorrow morning, then I'm free for the night. There's a derivation due on Friday that I probably should get a jump on, and I may look at it for a while, but not now.

I still spent most of the day working with Clare, but then had free time by myself which was much needed. I still feel on the edge of a depressive episode, so I shouldn't be alone for much longer I don't think but it was good to recharge.

I had to wash my backpack today; I spilled coffee full of milk and sugar all over it. Even just two hours after the spill the bag started to smell so I put it in the washer. Now it smells delicious, but I forgot to empty a pocket so I lost a pad and some panty liners in the process.

I've also been listening to the song "The Weight of Living (Parts I & II") all afternoon. It's been stuck in my head and I really like the build of the song, and the way the words come together.

In Part 1, there's a part that goes

"All the things you've said, and all the things you've done,
Can you carry it with no regrets, can you stand the person you've become"

Which, not gonna lie, is a pretty downer line, but I think it's important to keep in mind, and I'm really just feeling it today.

Part 1 also heavily features an albatross, which I just learned was a bird and not a mythical creature.

The albatross is a good omen that brings guidance.

Right now that's all I know, but there's a poem called "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" that this is based off of, and I want to read it. In fact, I have the poem copied out onto a word document, and I just need to print it out to read and annotate. It's 9 pages in total, even after making each page two columns. I'll print it front and back, but that's still a fair amount of paper. Oh well.

An albatross would also be an interesting tattoo.

Along the way of me really just procrastinating doing math problems, I found the quote "Courage, dear heart" by CS Lewis, which is now on the quote board, and in my head. Love.

Speaking of single words, Trump infuriates me. Just everything he does. It's making me more politically involved, but wow being angry all the time takes a lot of energy.

I'll try to read that poem tonight since I really don't have that much work for tomorrow; we'll see what happens.

Days 7 & 8

The past two days were incredibly busy to the point where I didn't have time to write a post yesterday, but it doesn't even matter because it can be lumped together just about the same as today.

Both days I had class, and spent the rest of my free time working. I've spent 8 hours in the library in the past two days. For reference, I've spent about 5 hours in class the past two days. Math methods, and other classes to a way lesser extent, has consumed my life, but it's giving me something to focus my energy on, which has been keeping me pretty content, i.e, not depressed. There's not time to be depressed.

I'm still mostly taking care of myself, yesterday I had two good meals, and today, they weren't good meals, but I ate.

I ordered a danish on Monday, but forgot the word danish, so I asked the guy behind the counter for "...that one with the cheese and the red". He asked if he had the right one, and as he handed it to me said "I think it's called a danish..." Yikes.

Today I read most Genesis and Exodus in one sitting. It was painful and I didn't really take in all that much but I did it.

I tried to talk to Padalino (both days) to ask for a letter of recommendation, but he hasn't been around at all.

Really not much else is happening. Goodnight I'm tired.

Day 6

Today was a laid back day. I woke up at 10:30, casually got dressed, then went for  brunch with Lilli.

Brunch was most likely meant to be a half-hour event, but it turned into a solid two hour event. We began talking about our New Years resolutions which led to how personal we are on various social media platforms. It was good. It felt good to tell her what was on my mind (this obviously came up because my resolutions are rather personal) and also to hear how she was. I remember the stories but sadly the only resolution of hers I remember is that she wants to eat less dairy.

After brunch we went back to the suite and I tried to do homework. I did the prerequisites, like printing things out, but then I got distracted and cleaned old papers out of my desk. Eventually I gave up all together and watched YouTube videos. This carried me well into the afternoon.

Around two Chrystyna came home and brought more Christmas cookies and perogis. Much delicious.

I was basically still fooling around at that point, but I did have work to do so I texted Clare about working on math methods.

I went over to her building and we worked for a while. Intermittently, Praveen called me to ask me about lotion and facial cleanser. So sweet, so innocent, so pure.

I had two chocolate covered strawberries while in Clare's building; Mary P brought them back from her weekend away.

Clare, Julia and I then went to Erie to work on the problem set more with Kula. This turned out to be a wise choice, and I am now 40% done with it. We're getting there.

Clare and I got dinner together, then I headed back to the suite.

I talked to Chrystyna and other suitemates some when I came back, and did more homework. This continued until midnight, then I gave up and just got cozy and ready for bed.

Now here I am, lying in bed, typing on my phone since I have a roommate again (pardon any typos), ready to read the news and then go to sleep.

Day 5

Whoops fell asleep before I got a chance to write my post yesterday, so here we go.

The fire alarm went off at two in the morning, right after I had fallen asleep. We were outside for approximately 15 minutes, then we came back in and I immediately went back to sleep. Maybe ten minutes after that though, Mary came home with a friend, and kept me from falling asleep for like another hour.

I woke up for real at 6:30 AM. It was painful, and in reality I got up at 6:50 because I couldn't make myself move.

Then I wore all the purple, gold, and white I own (which add up to approximately one item of clothing each), and went to the women's march in Seneca Falls with some RAs in Monroe and Livingston.

Being at the women's march was incredible. I was surrounded by positive energy, and wholly encompassed by the power of women.

I don't know how to talk about it in an eloquent way, but I'm glad I went with my peers, and got to meet my mom and a family friend there.

When we left, us younger girls got Thai food in Henrietta.

We got back to Geneseo, I hung out with Lilli and Cameron for a while, got dinner with them and Jenny J, then went to the hockey game with some of my Monroe boys.

That game was really something. My average heartrate during the game was like, no exaggeration, 95 bpm. I yelled and screamed and I it was amazing and awful.

Then I helped Jamie get ready to go out, and she made me Dr. Pepper rum which was really good. But then I thought I was going to hang out with Eric but he's a butt and went to the suite even though he said he wouldn't so I just went to my room when Jamie left.

In total I had like half of the Dr. Pepper, then, since I wasn't doing anything, I showered and watched Let's Plays.

Allie and Jasmine got home around midnight, and I went to sleep fifteen minutes later, and slept for over 9 hours.

Day 4

Today, as you may be able to see from my previous post, I was depression. I just had no energy. However, that doesn't mean that today wasn't (at least kind of) productive.

I asked Dr. Steinhauer for a letter of recommendation, and he said yes! Then I sat outside of Padalino's office for like 20 mins because I thought he wasn't there. I only found out he was there because another professor went into his office. Then another, and another. So I gave up and decided I'll just try again on Monday.

After I got back from that I did approximately nothing. Jon and I had noodle bowls for lunch, and then after I went back to my room after that, I wrote that blog post and was in a fog.

The inauguration was on for most of the day, including when I had lunch but I couldn't bring myself to watch it then, and it made me upset. I watched for a while, then I had to stop and go distract myself.

I watched some of a let's play, and some of Always Open, and then I took a nap. Cameron also took a nap. In fact for a while, he and I were the only ones in the suite. He was napping on the futon, I was napping on my bed. It was a time.

After I woke up, I asked RA friends if any of them had gotten dinner, only Eric replied and he already ate, so I waited until 9 to eat so I could get pizza logs.

Then I, kind of, watched Getting Over Sarah Marshall with Lilli and her friend Anissa. I wasn't really into it and was mostly just on tumblr and tinder.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Women's March in Seneca Falls with Jamie and some girls in Monroe. I'm meeting my mom there so it should be good. I have to wake up at like 6:30 for it though, so here's me signing off